I Feel Like I'm Gonna Hurl

There's any empty pit feeling in my stomach. The fear of losing my business is becoming more of a reality every day. I still have tremendous faith that Jesus can provide a miracle and save my business, but I don't know if He will. It's kind of like that feeling you get when you get sick. You know - you feel like you're going to hurl, but so badly don't want to. So you lay there tossing and turning and doing whatever you can to not blow. Then there comes a point where you just say - "let's get this over with and be done with it." "If it's gonna happen, let it happen."

That's kind of where I'm at right now. People tell me that God won't let you suffer more than you are able to handle, and that He will take care of me, and He has an ultimate plan. I know all that, but it really doesn't pay the bills right now! It still stings like a needle piercing the skin on my arm. Thank the Lord that I have Him, because without Him, I'd be a wreck. I'd be going off like a loaded gun, and regretting every bit of it later. Without Christ, I'd be a mess.

We learned about real perseverance last night in our small group. Paul. Paul was ridiculed like George Bush at a PETA festival, and beaten like a red headed step child. Yet Paul got up, pulled up his pants (robe) and jumped back in the fray. Crazy? Yeah he is kind of crazy. He's crazy filled with the Holy Spirit that's what. He totally believes that he's gonna continue to get the crap beat out of him, rocks thrown at his head, and driven out of town by a bunch of jacked up loons that think he's Zeus's sidekick!

But he also believes that God will take care of him. Take care of him then, and more importantly - in the future. He is not focusing on the seen, but the unseen. He is preparing this day for that day. He 100% full on believes in the power of Jesus! Do I? If I really do, then why am I getting my shorts all in a bunch? I pray that I will be filled with the Holy Spirit the way Paul was! Believing that is possible is where I draw my strength from. This is temporary, and we should expect that it's not going to be easy like Shaq putting down a two handed dunk. But I think I draw the majority of my strength (aka faith) from knowing that my Jesus has my back. No matter what. And one day (in the future) He is going to let me in on His heavenly party. And oh, will we par-teh! No more doubt, nor discouragement, nor suffering.

Thanks Jesus for having my back, may I never falter in my faith that you do.

It's Just Outside Your Front Door

It starts in our own backyard.  Sometimes we get so caught up in foreign missions we forget about our own surroundings.  Maybe it's just naivety in the fact that we think someone else is taking care of it, or maybe we are just cowards.  Cowards in the sense that these are the people we live with, work with, and play with.  What if they knew exactly how we felt about Jesus.  After all it's way easier to preach the gospel to someone you don't know who doesn't live where you live.  Right?  There's no fear of rejection.  And if rejection did happen - not a big deal, you'll probably never see them again.  Easy.  I guess the real question here, without going off on a tangent, is if you are a Christian, why wouldn't the poeple you hang with know exactly how you feel about Jesus?  Alright, staying focused here.  

Global missions ARE needed, and are as important as anything.  In fact I personally have a soft spot in my heart for Africa.  The AIDS orphans and villages that have been devastated and ravaged resonate deep within me.  I will go there someday.  Hopefully more than once.   Other nations that are in dire straits also need our help, and we should help out of love and compassion, not out of duty or responsibility.  However;  coming back around to the locals -  here is what I came across this morning while reading the Bible.   I was actually reading out of "The Message."  The Message is a paraphrase of the Bible, not a translation, but sometimes gives a fresh relevant approach.  It's good to broaden your scope of reading and not get sucked into a single only translation.  i.e. KJV only or NIV only.  So here is what spoke to me this morning while reading in Matthew.  

Jesus is addressing the crowd and states that the harvest is great and the workers are few.  He then calls his 12 disciples up and gives them this direction.  "Don't "begin" by traveling to some far off place to convert unbelievers.  And don't try to be dramatic by tackling some public enemy.  Go to the lost confused people RIGHT HERE IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD!"  ..."Don't think you have to put on a fund raising campaign before you start.   You don't need a lot of equipment, you are the equipment!"  I like what Jesus says next - "All you need is three meals a day...travel light."    Now understand this is a paraphrase version, these are not the literal words of Christ, but the message is there plain and simple.  

So yes, let's continue to focus globally.  Like our mission statement at our church "Journey"  Let's transform the world by starting in Bend Oregon.  Don't think that's really possible?  How many people did Jesus call up to hit the local neighborhood?  12.  Look what's happened.

Over ANALyze

If anyone reads this blog.  Thanks!  If you would care to comment, that would be great.

Something that has been bugging me for awhile that I keep forgetting to write down - is over analyzing people - especially bloggers.  It seems that everyone has become an expert on everything spiritual anymore.  Analyzing this, critiquing that (which I am just as guilty of) suggesting this or that, and lost focus of what I believe is the core.  The heart.  

People are analyzing the type of worship, the style, the songs, the way you sing the songs, the band, their clothes, their hair, are they smiling too much etc.?  Are they performing? Is it called a stage or a platform?  People comment on the pastors, or reverends, or teachers of the Word.  What translation is he using?  What kind of props are acceptable?  How long should the sermon be?  Should it be topical or exegetical?  Then how about the decorations of the church?  Everyone has an "opinion" on that?  Or how about the ever controversial "coffee area"!!  Oooh!  Should it be good coffee, just O.K. coffee, Starbucks coffee, or should we even have coffee at all!

People are analyzing and opining on things like - do we love God or do we love loving God?  Are we worshiping for Him or for the inspiring song?  If it's for Him, (which is should be) are we not allowed to enjoy the experience?  Or is that not about Him, but about us?  The whole thing is out of control.  When I go to a game, or see my kids excel at a sporting event, I'm the loudest one there.  My wife genuinely gets embarassed.  Should I say "well that was a public display of attention that was centered around me."  No!  I'm excited for my team or my kids, and I'm having fun with it!  It's not about me, it's about my team or my kids!  I am enjoying my kids and the experience they have drawn me into with them.  Having fun with Jesus is NOT wrong, in fact I would encourage it, and I think He would too!

Where is the heart issue?  Jesus is more concerned about your heart than He is about the freakin coffee, I can assure you of that.  As far as I'm concerned, jump, shout, laugh, sing loudly at the worship songs!  David in the bible did!  Oh yeah, he got analyzed over that too. Get engaged.  Are you saying you can't have fun and worship God at the same time?!  Then you better go to a Baptist or Lutheran church if that's how you feel.

When you realize that it's your heart your pouring out to Him, everything else becomes so irrelevant.  When He realizes that your pouring out your heart to Him everything becomes so authentic.  Enough of the over analyzing and micro managing ideology.  Are there black and white issues?  Absolutely.  But don't tell me how to worship the King, or what translation is best, or that I can't get excited about at church, because then it's not really about Him, it's just the "atmosphere" that's been created that your excited about. 

Pour your heart and soul into Jesus and you can't not produce fruit.  He tells us to draw near to Him and He will draw near to us.  It's a no brainer.  So all you super intellectual, over analyzing, theological spiritual wanna be's ...shut up.  Commit yourself fully and wholly to Jesus.  Quit being His earthly go to guy.  He doesn't need your help, He's got it pretty well figured out Himself.  If you want to help, go out into the world and love on someone for who they are, and let Jesus take it from there.

Prove It To Me

It tells us in the Bible that our sins are forgiven when we become Christians.  Psalm 103:12 So when we get to heaven, we are still judged.  Right?  For what?  I believe that when we become a new creation in Christ, all or our transgressions are forgiven forever.  So that means when we enter heaven we are pure.  Right?  Then what are we judged on if I'm correct here?  I believe we are judged on what we did once became a child of God.  It's going before the judge and presenting your case.   2 Corinthians 5:10

Here's what I mean.  Imagine the judge (in this case God) asking for proof that indeed you were changed when you committed your life to Him.  "where's the evidence?" He asks.  "All I see here is a bunch of lust, drunken-ness and excuses."  "Where is the proof that you really turned your life around?"  "How would you like to proceed here?"  "Do you have any evidence?"  "Church?"  "Church?"  "Do you expect Me to believe that by going to church your life was changed?"  "Do you realize to whom you are speaking?!"  "Now be careful here - I know your thoughts."  

Would you have enough evidence to prove that your life was changed?  That you were a true believer and follower of Jesus?!  "O.K., do you have any fruits that you could use as evidence?"

Will you hang your head, and ask the almighty to just believe that your intentions were good, and that alot of things got you "off track"  and you meant to "come back" but just didn't get around to it in time?!  "Show me proof!!"  "Show me the fruits of your labor, surely there must be something more concrete than reading your bible once in awhile, or going to church!"  "Surely there must!"  

Would you have enough evidence (any concrete evidence) that you are a converted child of the almighty judge?   If you are a true christian, you will go to heaven, but it may be an uncomfortable conversation with the judge.  Just a thought I had.

Where is the Holy Spirit?

Why don't we see the Holy Spirit moving in our churches like the churches in Acts?  He came as a rush of wind, powerful and mighty.  Unseen, yet His force was like no other.  Acts 2:2  Is His work done?  Are there enough churches and mega churches that He feels He isn't needed anymore?   Could it be that WE feel we don't need Him?  Or that we don't believe those miracles exist today, and were only for the Bible?  Could be.  Probably more truth in that than we are ready to admit.  Our society is a me society and we think we got it handled, and can figure it out ourselves.  Holy Spirit?  That guy only did His miracles in the "old" days!   

The Holy Spirit is still as alive and powerful today as ever.  We just don't tap into Him.  What's that you say?  We do?  Not really.  I think if we did, we would see amazing results.  We have things today so structured, that we try to "fit" God in when our schedules allow.  Usually it's the scraps, or the filler time that He gets.  The deity of Christ has unlimited potential, and we are satisfied with just the basics, and wonder why we don't see more miracles in today's day and age.  It's the lack of faith, the lack of obedience, and the lack of priority.  The God of today is the same as the God of yesterday, we are the ones who have changed.   I think it's still possible to see a modern day Pentecost, but we as Christ followers need to believe in the power of the Holy Spirit first.  We need to have the same faith as Peter or Paul, and preach like Peter and Paul.  They weren't afraid of being persecuted!  In fact Peter relished it when he was let out of prison.   Acts 5:41

I think it's possible if we start to preach the truth.  And believe.

From Uganda With Love

For the past two nights our family has had the privilege of being a "host" family for a 10 year old Ugandan orphan girl and her chaperone.  The girl's name was Faith, and her chaperone was auntie Shova from Nepal.  They are both part of an organization called World Help  http://www.worldhelp.net/and are in a "traveling" choir called Children of the World Choir.  They performed at our church last night to a packed out house.  The kids (13 of them)  were nothing short of spectacular!  To see their faces light up while they sang their lungs out to Jesus was completely moving.  

Without going into great detail, these kids are all orphaned and most have been affected by HIV in some way or another through their families.  Thankfully, none of them actually have the disease themselves.  The pure joy they bring was contagious.  Faith lit up our home with her dark skin and pearly white.  Shova (her chaperone) was a petite Nepal girl with long beautiful black hair down to her waist.   We learned over dinner, that she loves American Idol!  We were quietly reminded when it was 8'o clock the last two nights.  We played Simon and critiqued the contestants, and I was told I was actually harsher than Simon.  Although I dress better.   

Faith called me "uncle" and my wife "auntie",  and in the few short hours we spent with her, a magical bond that could only come from God was formed.  The real icing on the cake was last night after their concert.  When the children were exiting the stage, Faith was first to come down.  She spotted me sitting on the edge of the aisle, and as she approached I put up my hand to give her a high five.  She wanted nothing to do with that.  She ran towards me put up her arms and jumped into me with a ferocious bear hug and held on.  I just about lost it right there. 

Whew.   It was stinking awesome.  Later that night we took some funny pictures and put them in her scrapbook.  This morning we said goodbye to Faith and "auntie" Shova as they were off to another performance.  They are currently in their 8th month of a 10 month U.S. tour.  

During the performance last night they showed about a five minute video of how HIV/AIDS has ravaged their home of Uganda, and what I consider pathetic support given by so called Christians and their organizations.  Seventy to ninety percent of the world aids pandemic stems from the sub-saharan region of Africa.  Most Christian organizations (percentage wise) don't do a thing about this pandemic.  When people say "how can God let this suffering happen?"  I want to say..."how can WE let this happen?"  I know there are hundreds of organizations out there that we should support, and have an excuse for why we aren't -  but pick one.  How about just one?  Once our eyes are opened, we can't pretend we don't know what to do! -  or wear dark sunglasses and act like we don't see the truth.  What's the mantra - out of sight out of mind? Well that's convenient.  Jesus says - whatever you do for the least of these you do for me!  Sorry, but I was so touched by these kids and by Faith, that maybe it was God's way of slapping me upside the head and saying "what are you waiting for?" "All that talk Steve don't mean jack!"  If anyone reads this blog, I'd love to hear some ideas, and action plans for the next year.  Let us be the hands and feet of Jesus, because I sure saw his face last night!

What God Do You Bow Down To?

What do you spend your time with? on? at?   Do you realize you spend your spare time doing what you are hooked on.  That's where your real passion lies.  Want to see what someone loves?  See where they spend their free time.  We tend to fall into a rut where we worship anything but God.  Oh, don't get me wrong, we throw Him scraps every now and then to make ourselves feel better, lying to no one but ourselves about how good we are.  My bad is this stinking computer.  It has become my God.  If I spent half as much time reading my bible as I do in front of this fricking computer, I'd have it read in a month!  Where are your priorities?  Just look at what consumes your free time.   It would be a cool project to see how much time you spend on things other than building your relationship with God.  I think it would be even cooler to put down our false gods to the point where we reverse the trend, and spend more free time with God than our current gods.  I bet between the computer and the TV, I space out looking at the screen for an average of 4 hours or more a day.  Probably more.  In fact I think I'll try to track it, and update this next week.  We / I need to focus on what's important and what's not.  Not getting sucked in because of my weak discipline.   Focus is the discipline to say no to anything off- mission or off-task.

Buddha & Jesus

Buddha, Krishna, Muhammad, Jesus.  We can all have our own way to get to heaven or the afterlife right?  Recently, a friend and I decided to take a walk through a local park and invite people to our Sunday night church, and hopefully spur some good conversation, and maybe more.  We had no plans or well thought out ideas or expectations, we just had the urge to "get out."  One thing that may have prompted us (well actually two things) was that we were going through Acts in our Tuesday night small group.  The other, the Holy Spirit tapping on our shoulders.  In Acts, Peter and the others are filled to the brim with the Holy Spirit, getting beat down like a rabid dog for it, and loving it!  They actually pray for boldness to continue this craziness of preaching! 

So, during our travels through the park we encountered people of different sizes, shapes, and religions, some were just a quick "hey" and others were really open to talk to us about Jesus.  One couple in particular engaged us in a great dialogue.  It was kind of like hooking up with a the big fish you were trying for all afternoon.  Her name was Brianne, and his was Ryan.  Brianne turned out to be a sweet, intelligent caring girl.  Ryan was a smart, intellectual guy.  Both I'd say were in there 20's.   We talked about Jesus, and asked them their thoughts.  She said Jesus was a great man and a great role model that we could learn a lot from.  A great teacher.  And she appreciated what we were doing, but she wasn't interested.  "I'm a Buddhist" she said.  

We talked about salvation and the afterlife, and I told her that I believed that Jesus was the only way to heaven.  I quoted a few scriptures i.e. John 1:1 and John 1:14  and John 14:6  "I am the way the truth and the life, no one comes to the father but through Me".  That was all well and good and real nice and churchey, but didn't really mean squat to her.  You see even the demons believe in God, (not that she was a demon) but don't pledge their allegiance to Him.  So I asked her - out of all the religions of the world, why did you choose to follow Buddha?  She pondered for a second searching the sky for an answer, and in an almost  unconvincing answer said - harmonics.  

Personally I like to believe that the Creator of all things (my God) would have more than just harmonics. He died, rose again like He said He would and fulfilled umpteen prophecies while He spent time with us as a human.   We talked about how the bible is a history book, and that Jesus was either who He claimed to be, or He was an all out liar and a bad person.   She just smiled and said that we don't "completely understand" Him.  Then Ryan started quoting from Deuteronomy.  Deuteronomy!  Come on Ryan, we weren't ready for that one.  How even His disciples questioned Him and his ideas and parables.  It was an awesome dialogue.  It was obvious that our road to heaven was a different one than theirs.  Harmonics or a living, breathing, dead raising, life giving God.   I didn't expect to change their minds that afternoon, but maybe, just maybe a seed was planted.  Left for the Holy Spirit to water.  We left with smiles on our faces as we continued our trek through the park and downtown.  We had brought the horses to the edge of the water, but it wasn't our job to make them drink. 

Later that afternoon we talked to a couple of street vendors about everything from surfing, selling cars, weird looking bicycles (that they had poured ridiculous amounts of money into that still looked "ridiculous")  and Jesus.  We shook hands and said our goodbyes and good days.  There was no one that was offended that day.  You see it's about being authentic like Jesus and meeting the lost at their home, at their campus, at their park.  I had a great time talking with Brianne and Ryan, and they were totally down with what we had to say.   I pray they realize that Jesus Christ is "thee" only way to heaven.

I hope they drink the water someday.

Acts 5:42

Why Is It?

Why is it that a 20 dollar bill seems like such a large amount when you donate it to church, but such a small amount when you go shopping?

Why is it that 2 hours seem so long when you're at church, and how short they seem when you're watching a good movie?

Why is it that you can't find a word to say when you're praying, but you have no trouble thinking what to talk about with a friend?

Why is it so difficult and boring it is to read one chapter of the Bible, but how easy it is to read 100 pages of a popular novel or fiction book?

Why is it that everyone wants front-row-tickets to concerts or games, but they do whatever is possible to sit at the last row in Church?

Why is it that we need to know about an event for Church 2-3 weeks before the day so we can include it in our agenda, but we can adjust it for other events at the last minute?

Why is it so difficult to share Jesus Christ with others, but so easy to talk about anything else, including gossip?

Why is it that we hardly ever question what the media says, but we question the inerrant word of God, The Bible?

Why is it that everyone wants a place in heaven, but they don't want to believe, do, or say anything to get there?

Why is it that we expect Jesus to provide for us, when we sit around and do nothing?

Why is so easy to spend time doing your favorite hobby, but so difficult spending time with God?

Why is it so easy to justify spending money on trivial excessive items for yourself, but so difficult spending money on a meal, or a wool hat for the homeless person who sits on the corner? 

Why is it that we continue to do the same things, yet long for and expect different results?

Why is it so easy for us to talk about doing something great, and puff ourselves up, but so hard for us to actually do it?

Stained Glass Masquerade

Is there anyone that fails
Is there anyone that falls
Am I the only one in church today feelin' so small

Cause when I take a look around
Everybody seems so strong
I know they'll soon discover
That I don't belong

So I tuck it all away, like everything's okay
If I make them all believe it, maybe I'll believe it too
So with a painted grin, I play the part again
So everyone will see me the way that I see them

Are we happy plastic people
Under shiny plastic steeples
With walls around our weakness
And smiles to hide our pain
But if the invitation's open
To every heart that has been broken
Maybe then we close the curtain
On our stained glass masquerade

Is there anyone who's been there
Are there any hands to raise
Am I the only one who's traded
In the altar for a stage

The performance is convincing
And we know every line by heart
Only when no one is watching
Can we really fall apart

But would it set me free
If I dared to let you see
The truth behind the person
That you imagine me to be

Would your arms be open
Or would you walk away
Would the love of Jesus
Be enough to make you stay

Lyrics from Casting Crowns