Wednesday, June 3, 2009

I Feel Like I'm Gonna Hurl


There's any empty pit feeling in my stomach. The fear of losing my business is becoming more of a reality every day. I still have tremendous faith that Jesus can provide a miracle and save my business, but I don't know if He will. It's kind of like that feeling you get when you get sick. You know - you feel like you're going to hurl, but so badly don't want to. So you lay there tossing and turning and doing whatever you can to not blow. Then there comes a point where you just say - "let's get this over with and be done with it." "If it's gonna happen, let it happen."

That's kind of where I'm at right now. People tell me that God won't let you suffer more than you are able to handle, and that He will take care of me, and He has an ultimate plan. I know all that, but it really doesn't pay the bills right now! It still stings like a needle piercing the skin on my arm. Thank the Lord that I have Him, because without Him, I'd be a wreck. I'd be going off like a loaded gun, and regretting every bit of it later. Without Christ, I'd be a mess.

We learned about real perseverance last night in our small group. Paul. Paul was ridiculed like George Bush at a PETA festival, and beaten like a red headed step child. Yet Paul got up, pulled up his pants (robe) and jumped back in the fray. Crazy? Yeah he is kind of crazy. He's crazy filled with the Holy Spirit that's what. He totally believes that he's gonna continue to get the crap beat out of him, rocks thrown at his head, and driven out of town by a bunch of jacked up loons that think he's Zeus's sidekick!

But he also believes that God will take care of him. Take care of him then, and more importantly - in the future. He is not focusing on the seen, but the unseen. He is preparing this day for that day. He 100% full on believes in the power of Jesus! Do I? If I really do, then why am I getting my shorts all in a bunch? I pray that I will be filled with the Holy Spirit the way Paul was! Believing that is possible is where I draw my strength from. This is temporary, and we should expect that it's not going to be easy like Shaq putting down a two handed dunk. But I think I draw the majority of my strength (aka faith) from knowing that my Jesus has my back. No matter what. And one day (in the future) He is going to let me in on His heavenly party. And oh, will we par-teh! No more doubt, nor discouragement, nor suffering.

Thanks Jesus for having my back, may I never falter in my faith that you do.